The Diva Favre Show Has Been Renewed For 2009!
Unlike the subject of this blog entry, I never officially retired from blogging, and therefore, I am NOT a flip-flopper!
That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
- Raise your hand if you are surprised by the announcement that the Diva Favre show is scheduled to re-re-re-re-launch this NFL season.
(If your hand is raised…really? You didn’t see this coming?)
Hooray! We NFL fans are going to get YET ANOTHER year of the Diva Favre Show, complete with a horrible, season-ending performance in the playoffs, a teary-eyed post-game press conference, hints about retirement, live updates as he flies home to Hattiesburg, and the eventual announcement that he will, finally, hang up his cleats for the last time.
All of this will happen over a 24 hour period; never mind what’s going to happen once the offseason begins. ESPN might as well park a trailer outside Favre’s Hattiesburg house right now, and offer fans a 24-hour live feed ASAP.
(Brett Favre is stepping outside! He’s gonna announce a comeback! No, wait…he just grabbed the newspaper sitting on his doorstep.)
Question #1: Why now? Why not wait until Week 3? Let’s say the Vikings are stumbling after a humbling defeat at the hands of the Lions (!!!) and a narrow victory against San Francisco. Imagine Favre standing in Vikings’ owner Zygi Wilf’s press box, during a fourth quarter time out, announcing his return to the league!
(It’ll probably sound something like this.)
Why Week 3? Look at the schedule: a revenge game vs. GB, a guaranteed win @ STL, two toughies vs BAL and @PIT, and the “Screw You, Green Bay” game.
If Minnesota wins vs. GB, imagine how much more inflated Favre’s ego will get. See! See! Look at me! I’m not done! Why’d you guys make me retire, Green Bay? Couple that with the win @ STL, and even if Minnesota loses the next two games—it wouldn’t be his fault if they lost those two games, after all—Favre’s got another revenge game against GB after that.
Hell, why not go all the way and retire after the Vikings’ bye week, only to return, Trevor Hoffman style (do you think he’d loan Favre “Hell’s Bells”?) for the season finale vs. the NY Giants?
Who wouldn’t watch THAT soap opera? Even I…might.
Question Answer #2: $12 million.
Question: How much money is clearly burning a hole in Zygi Wilf’s pockets if he thinks a fragile, 39 going on 40 year old, flip-flopping, attention-starved, interception machine is going to be the difference between a Division Round elimination and a Super Bowl berth?
(I’ll take “Stupid Proclamations” for $200, Alex. Gosh I miss blogging.)
How is a past-his-prime QB with a rotator cuff tear going to put Minnesota over the top? Bernard Berrian’s a nice player, but look at the rest of that WR roster. Unless Percy Harvin turns into Calvin Johnson…yuck. And what if his shoulder flares up again?
(Tangent: Quote of the year, so far:
Lance Briggs: On Favre constantly changing his mind.
“I hope he changes his mind when he’s going to throw the ball away, and throws it into coverage…”
Winner!)
Question #3: What does The Diva Favre Show, Season 3, have planned to top the drama of the first two seasons? Teary-eyed press conferences and one-on-one interviews are so 2007. Lying right in front of all of America, or at least those watching his act, is too boring. A rose ceremony, Bachelor-style? Nah, too obvious and not exciting enough.
(I doubt this would happen, but the thought did cross my mind. A tandem press conference announcing the re-re-returns of Diva Favre AND John Madden!
*shudder*
And for the record, I am not, in any way, comparing Diva Favre to John Madden.)
Here’s my idea for the Season 3 finale: The Brett Favre Dating Game. Now, we know that Favre wouldn’t want to play for a doormat, and teams with championship aspirations already—NE, BAL, IND, PHI, TEN, etc., and apologies if I left out an obvious team—wouldn’t have interest in him, so let’s eliminate those teams. Next, we’ll make Favre submit a list of teams he’d like to play for (I guess that will eliminate Green Bay). We’ll then take these two lists, and all the teams that are on both lists will be invited to the taping of The Brett Favre Dating Game.
On the show, each team will be represented by an anonymous team staffer. Chuck Woolrey—Chris Mortenson if Woolrey’s not available—will allow Diva Favre to ask each staffer one question, and after the last question is posed, Favre will have a commercial break to decide which team he’d like to date.
After the date—training camp, I guess—we’ll invite Favre and his date back on to the show and see if he’ll be willing to go on a second date. My bet: he’ll dump whichever team he picked and sign with Carolina…in Week 9.
Now tell me, who wouldn’t watch this? I certainly would, just to see Favre do that stupid kiss and wave at the end of each show.
Later.