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Wipeout and I Survived a Japanese Game Show (AKA I Want that Two Hours of my Life Back)

So I cannot believe I just spent the last two hours of my life watching Wipeout and I Survived a Japanese Game Show on ABC. I needed a good laugh, and I was hoping to see some awesome, MXC-like wipeouts.

I want my money back.

John Anderson (aka the SportsCenter anchor) was mildly entertaining, though perhaps the producers should have paired him with Stuart Scott or Scott Van Pelt. The other John (whatever his name is), though, was trying WAY TOO HARD to be funny, and of course, he was not even remotely funny. And don’t get me started on the eye candy interviewer Jill Wagner. Was Jill Arrington not available? Stick to the Mercury commercials, Jill.

(That got me thinking: how many takes does a single Mercury commercial take Jill to complete? Ok, so maybe she doesn’t do well with live action. Couldn’t ESPN have loaned the producers of Wipeout Erin Andrews? THAT I would watch.)

Once the debacle that was Wipeout ended, I started watching I Survived a Japanese Game Show…and WTF? The previews showed nothing but crazy Japanese game show action, and, I got to see a short, pudgy woman scream at a bunch of Road Rules rejects?

Twenty minutes in, and I was ready to shoot myself in the face. About the only thing entertaining about the show was the super-hyper host, who should have done all his commentary in Japanese.

(EDIT: Oh great. I just found out that this show will be Survivor-like, where each week, one player gets eliminated. Don’t worry…I see nine eliminations next week, if you catch my drift.)

(EDIT #2: OK…watching Cathy rickshaw around the sumo wrestler was kinda funny. Fine.)

I’ll consider laying 3:1 odds to anyone willing to bet that both shows will last four weeks.

(I know what you’re thinking. If the shows were so awful, why did you sit through both hours? Honestly, I have no idea; I think I went in and out of a coma several times.)

Chase Teller Scams Elderly Woman of $300,000, And Lack of Sleep = Bad (Idiot Neighbors Don’t Help)

Quick-hitters:

- I was expecting the high temps to stick around for another couple of days, but it was a comfortable 85 degree day today.

Hopefully the reduced temperatures will mean more sleep for me (more on that later).

- So I’ve got this stick of SO-DIMM RAM (that’s laptop memory, for you non-computer geeks out there), and I am tempted to put the RAM on my keychain as evidence of my geek-dom.

I’ve been told by at least one individual that, if I do so, I should not be seen with said person in public until I remove the RAM from my keychain. Fine.

(What I’m really worried about, of course, are the pointy edges of the stick of RAM that might chew up my pockets. Yeah, that’s it…I’m not at all worried about getting called a dork.)

- I guess there is at least one person who doesn’t buy Shaq’s “It was all done in fun” argument: Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who demanded back Shaq’s special deputy’s badge as a result of his rap about Kobe. I can’t say I blame the sheriff.

Shaq’s not going to miss that badge one bit, methinks. He’s not going to be depressed the same way Dwight Schrute was after resigning from his volunteer position (remember the episode where Michael demanded Dwight’s urine to pass a drug test?), right?

- Chase has treated me pretty well as a customer (their inability to retain my email address, as well as changing due dates notwithstanding).

However, after seeing the latest story regarding Chase over on The Consumerist, part of me has to wonder when they’re going to royally screw me over. Cliffs: a “friendly” teller had siphoned about $300,000 out of $400,000 from the bank account of an elderly woman, who currently needs the money to pay her nursing home bills.

Granted, the actions were that of a rogue employee, and not Chase themselves. However, if what the article says is true—”The bank discovered the theft in August 2007″—what is taking so long for the funds to be returned to her? Also, she had been siphoning funds for four years, and it took a tax preparer (and not the bank itself) to catch on to her scam?

In any case, the teller better get what’s coming to her.

- So as all my loyal readers—all none of you—know, I’ve been lacking sleep lately. The oppressive heat of the last few days are largely to blame, and it doesn’t help that my bedroom window doesn’t have a screen on it. I’d sleep in the living room, but our sliding glass door doesn’t have a screen either. I suppose I could sleep without…um…never mind.

While there is absolutely nothing I could do about the heat (turning on the A/C aside), I wish I could throw stuff at my idiot neighbors, who haven’t helped in my quest for a good night’s sleep.

1) At about 5:30AM on Sunday morning, I was in la-la land, probably dreaming about something I wish I had (Money? An expensive car? A girl? A girl in an expensive car with money in the trunk? Whatever.), when I heard a loud THUD from the second-floor of my condominium complex. Either one of my neighbors tipped over a dresser/bookshelf/desk/etc., or one of my neighbors is a tad overweight.

I don’t think an asteroid crashing into “the Valley” would have made a sound that loud. Needless to say, it took a while for me to get back to sleep.

2) Later that morning, around 7AM, I was awoken to a guy sitting on the stairs outside my condo. For the next hour or so, I had to listen to this idiot explain, in a thousand different ways, how women are evil.

He gave classic lines, like “She’s just jerking around with you!” as well as more contemporary lines, like “Bros before hoes!” I also heard “She’s not worth it,” “She’s a b!tch,” and the usual “You can do better!” I could’ve sworn I also heard a “I’m here for you.”

Kudos to his cell phone for lasting throughout the conversation, though! My two-year-old Sanyo Katana can’t go 24 hours on STANDBY without needing a recharge.

3) On both weekend mornings, I was forced up to one of my neighbor’s dog barking incessantly. What really irritates me about the dog—other than its existence—is the fact that the dog barks the same four-bark, descending-tone melody over and over and over again. My sister insists that the owner leaves the dog outside in the patio on weekdays, forcing the dog to deal with the high temps until, presumably, the owner returns…allowing the dog to stay outside in the patio and annoy the holy hell out of his neighbors some more.

People who walk their dogs at 3PM on a 100+ degree day need to be shot. So does this idiot, if what my sister alleges is true.

Until next…zzzzz…

Chase Changes Credit Card Due Dates For Fun, Oppressive Heat = Trip to the Mall, And Shaq’s Rap (Rip?) About Kobe

Quick-hitters:

- Wow. I actually tossed out an empty tube of toothpaste AND a stick of deodorant on the same day!

I think I better go to CVS to restock :P

- File this under the “It helps to read carefully” department: I got an email in my GMail Spam folder, with the all-too-subtle headline:

Win from benefits of hidden secrets of pornstars!

What I found mildly comical was the sender of the email: hijo.

In my sleepless state, and for a split second, I thought Hank was starting his own Canadian pharmaceutical company or something :P

- (from Consumerist) I think I ranted about this before, but I can’t seem to find when I did so. Anyway, apparently I am not the only one that has had Chase change around their credit card due dates in an effort to scam customers out of money.

(You tell me what other possible reason there is for doing this.)

The only reason why I caught Chase doing this to me is the fact that I log on to my Chase.com account almost weekly, whether I do it for a check of my credit limit, a check of my due dates (and whether or not the accounts are paid before the due date), or a random check of my purchases. If I wasn’t such a frequent visitor of my Chase.com online account, I’m almost certain that I would have been late on a payment at some point.

(By the way, Chase, why do I still get paper statements in envelopes that say “Sorry, but your email address was rejected, so here’s your statement”? I have changed my email address several times, and for some reason, you guys decide it would be funny to change it right back!

Either that, or maybe…nah.)

- Boy has it been HOT here in recent days! Over the latter three days of the past week, temps have gone well over 100 all three days, and Friday night, it was 83 degrees…at 3AM!!!

How hot has it been? In a span of six days, my sister and I have polished off eight gallons (out of ten) of water from our cooler!

(Thank goodness for Crystal Light.)

So on Saturday, my sister and I decided to soak in all the free air conditioning we could get by swinging by the Northridge Mall. We arrived at the mall at about 3:30 (I didn’t officially get up until 1; the heat had something to do with that), and we spent the first few minutes of the trip at Sears, looking for some cheap clearance stuff (no luck). After visiting a couple other stores, we headed across the mall to Borders.

Over at Borders, I grabbed two books that piqued my interest: Paul Shirley’s Can I Keep My Jersey?: 11 Teams, 5 Countries, and 4 Years in My Life as a Basketball Vagabond, and Jim Nantz’
Always By My Side: A Father’s Grace and a Sports Journey Unlike Any Other. I heard of Shirley’s book from ESPN’s Bill Simmons, and Nantz’s book intrigued me after his excellent interview on The Jim Rome Show on 5/30/08.

I got through the introduction and a single chapter of Shirley’s book, and now I’m hooked. I love his dry, sarcastic wit, though some of his cracks are a bit borderline offensive. Nantz’s book, on the other hand, grabbed me right at the end of the first chapter (anyone who read the book knows what I mean).

I think I’ll have to order both books.

The rest of the day was spent at Circuit City, where my sister was playing around with a Nikon D40. I was browsing for something to spend my ~ $200 GC on, and I couldn’t find a damn thing.

(We returned to the mall on Sunday, however, to take a look at an LG 32LG30 HDTV. After a AAA 8% off coupon, the TV comes out to about $650, or $450 after my GC. Tempting…)

- Finally, you must have seen by now the freestyle rap about (rip on?) Kobe by one Shaquille O’Neal. Here are my thoughts on the video:

1) When I first saw it, I pretty much asked “WTF are you thinking, you fat idiot?” I thought your so-called “feud” was completely over, and then you go on and do THAT? Like Shaq should be running his mouth; he had Nash and Amare and couldn’t get out of the first round!

(Tangent: When we talk about Shaq’s career, we always talk about the guards he played with: Penny, Kobe, D-Wade, and Nash. Why don’t we ever talk about the two HOF coaches that led him to rings—Phil Jackson and Pat Riley—and compare them to the two that couldn’t do so—Brian Hill and Mike D’Antoni?)

At best, Shaq’s jealous. At worst, he’s an arrogant ass.

2) After listening to Stephen A. Smith talk about freestyle rapping, and how Shaq’s rap is considered pretty mild by rapping standards (as you can expect, I am no expert on this subject), I guess I could give Shaq a bit of leeway. However, to say that his rap was not at all premeditated is ridiculous at best. Does this line

Kobe [expletive], tell me how my [expletive] tastes.

sound anything but premeditated? What about the line that Kobe caused Shaq’s divorce?

(quoted from the MSNBC.com article) I’m a horse, Kobe ratted me out, that’s why I’m getting divorced. He said Shaq gave a (woman) a mil. I don’t do that ’cause my name’s Shaquille. I love ‘em, I don’t leave ‘em. I got a vasectomy, now I can’t breed ‘em.”

How can he rap about something that personal and still try to convince people that his rap was done in jest? Plus, if the feud with Kobe was, indeed, over, why would an attack on Kobe be the first thing on Shaq’s hit list? I don’t buy it one bit.

3) Speaking of attacks on NBAers, what was with the attack on Ewing and Kareem? Sure, Ewing has no rings, but what did he do to deserve getting blasted by Shaq? And Kareem? The top scorer (total points) in NBA history? The guy with six NBA rings and six MVPs?

Nice try.

If Shaq did this to draw interest to the first Suns-Lakers matchup of the 08-09 season, then Mission Accomplished. Personally, yawn…

Until next time!